|
Post by PETER BERGAN WALKER on Mar 5, 2010 13:40:32 GMT -5
» SO IF YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS COMPLETE CONFUSIONbecause you never win the gameREMEMBER THAT IT'S A GRAND ILLUSION DEEP INSIDE WE'RE ALL THE SAME Earlier Peter had been sitting in the room alone, petting his dog, and thinking about what he could do. Peter was used to his roommate sort of being a no show until early morning anyway. At least until then he could come up with something to fill his time. Peter finally decided on going outside. His mind raced as he stood from his bed and bid Bogart goodbye until later on. Peter walked toward the door and walked out without even thinking to grab a jacket. There was still some light snow on the ground and more to come later. Peter didn't realize he had left his jacket until he got outside and the cold air surrounded him. He decided that he didn't really need to go back and get it. He was sort of used to the cold weather now.
Peter took out his cellphone, deciding to pace around and see if anyone was on the school chat. low and behold the one person that was on was his roommate. Peter enjoyed talking to his roommate even if it was mostly on the chat. He didn't mind that at all. Eventually the conversation got pretty weird when Ashton had asked him about his wildest fantasies. Peter hadn't been sure that he had any. He had to think really hard and even the one he came up with sounded pretty lame. Peter was starting to get a little nervous with the conversation. Ashton was asking him sort of, well, personal stuff like if he were looking for anything or if he already had his sights set on someone. Even though Peter didn't have his sights set on anyone in particular, he didn't feel comfortable enough talking about it with someone he barely knew. The most he gave twas that he had just gotten out of a bad relationship. How could he think of another so soon?
Another thing that Peter thought was weird was when Ashton told him that he should never leave the house without a jacket. He was sure Ashton meant the dorm, but he couldn't get past how Ashton sounded like a concerned mother right there. Finally Ashton told him that he was behind the building. It really wasn't too far away from where he was already. Peter pocketed his phone and walked in that direction. When he finally reached the back Peter glanced around looking for Ashton. He grinned when he finally saw Ashton and began to walk toward him. Peter was glad that he was going to get to hang out with Ashton some more. He had felt before that he didn't get enough time with Ashton, or mostly, that Ashton didn't want to spend any time with him. That was a feeling he'd rather not think too much about.
Peter crossed his arms over his stomach as he neared Ashton. Hey there, Peter said with a smile. He shivered a little, but he still didn't feel like he was overly cold. He was trying not to think too heavily on one of Ashton's comments on the chat. He had said that he would keep him warm... but had recovered by saying that he had a sweater. Peter tried his best not to take that the wrong way. So far he had succeeded in convincing himself that Ashton meant nothing by it. Ashton was just offering him a sweater and nothing more, right?
tagged • ashton johnson! words • 581 lyrics • grand illusion by styx notes • :] credits • template by me
|
|
|
Post by ASHTON COLE JOHNSON-WALKER on Mar 5, 2010 14:26:46 GMT -5
Ashton felt like he couldnt go anywhere without getting bothered. He had his phone shut off all day knowing that it was probably getting blown up by text messages. He'd like to get a new phone number, but there was no point. Derek would figure out the number. Whatever... ashton was about ready to say fuck it with this stupid band shit. He would get himself a new number and quit the band. Ashton took a drink from the beer that hed brought with him.
Ashton refused to think of the way he felt when he was actually playing. He could do that, just not think of it. Hes done it for a long time why couldnt he start again. Because hed already gotten a taste of it....
Fuck it.. no he could do this. He was strong enough. Stubborn enough. If he chose to not let himself think of it he could. Hell he could pretend it had never even happened. Yeah... yeah.. that was a good plan. He didnt want to talk to Derek right now though. They had a party they were supposed to play at tomorrow night. He would wait until after that. Just give himself one more performance and then he would cut off from it.
He pulled his phone out and turned it on. He hated how long it took for his stupid phone to turn on. He really needed a new one but he hadnt thought about it. Hes surprised he hasnt lost the phone yet... okay thats a lie. he has lost his phone on several occasions but it always seems to find its way back to him. Maybe he wasnt supposed to get rid of it. Whatever did he even believe in that? He didnt know.
God his head hurt. He frowned rubbing his forehead. Once his phone was on he started putzing around with it, deleting all of the messages that popped up. Leaning against one of the trees he sighed and then found himself getting onto the school chat. Peter was on. He smirked a bit. His roommate. He didnt talk to him much, he honestly didnt get him sometimes. Whether it was because he wasnt sure if the guy hated him or not or because he just hasnt really spent the time to figure out things.
Ashton was starting to find himself as one of those cliched druggies you see in movies where their school years were blurred by parties, drugs and alcohol. He couldnt focus half of the time anymore. The only good thing was that hed been getting less sleep then usual which ...was good. Less chances of him getting those horrible nightmares. Bad because he really hated parties and he just.. had this sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He wasnt sure if it was a reel tangent feeling or a mental feeling.
Ashton liked to push buttons. Liked to see things. He had realized that certain things did make his roommate uncomfortable so he asked him certain things. He wasnt sure what it was, but he liked the fact that instead of being some horny bastard peter was... different. Of course this headache just wouldnt go away. He told peter 'brb' and then reached into his pocket pulling out a bag. Hed just... take a little and it would be better. his headache would be gone and maybe this feeling would be gone too.
Ashton rolled a joint lighting it as he sat back. He smoked what he could of it, letting it ease him. Just needed to let it kick in. He could start to feel his head start to ease a little. He just kind of relaxed a bit. After a bit of time passed he realized he was doing something. Shaking his head he pulled his phone open again. P ete was still there. He was outside. Heh.. hm..
When peter told him he had forgotten his jacket ashton told him he shouldnt do that. Well the guy would get sick. It was a stupid move to do that and the worst part was, what if he got sick and then it got ashton sick. No that wasnt cool. Then again he didnt have much to talk for considering his jacket just consisted of him in a sweater. Whatever... the joint he just smoked would help with that too..
The thing with ashton though was when he drank or did drugs he got a bit more open. Depending on how much he took depended on how open he got. Flirting was starting and he realized he just told peter he would keep him warm. Ashton nearly freaked out trying to fix it but then afterwards when peter said he was nearing ashton wondered if he actually would. He picked up the beer hed been drinking finishing it off and tossing it to the bushes. He looked over at it with a frown. He didnt like litter. Getting on his hands and knees he crawled over towards the bush, digging through til he finally found it and sighed. He didnt ahve a trash can nearby. Hed just leave it here for now and come back to get it. With a nod he set it just under. Not like it could be hidden since there was nothing on the bushes but empty branches.
When he heard a voice he jerked around eyes wide. WHo the fuck was that! His eyes landed in Peter and he stopped relaxing some. Oh right... god he had thought for a moment that someone had found him. Pete.. he smirked some. Well... he pulled himself up so he was standing, his eyes moving over pete and he shook his head. you really did forget a jacket. Ashton unzipped his sweater holding the sides open. Must be freezing.. he told him. Ill share he said with a quirk of his brow and a lazy smirk.
|
|
|
Post by PETER BERGAN WALKER on Mar 5, 2010 15:09:37 GMT -5
» SO IF YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS COMPLETE CONFUSIONbecause you never win the gameREMEMBER THAT IT'S A GRAND ILLUSION DEEP INSIDE WE'RE ALL THE SAME « Peter raised an eyebrow as Ashton jerked around. He couldn't help but laugh a little. Of all the positions Peter could have found him in. He tilted head slightly, watching Ashton. Peter would have helped Ashton up, but it really seemed like Ashton was okay on his own. When Ashton was finally standing Peter had to look up to him a little. It wasn't like Ashton was a giant, but Ashton was slightly taller than him so it seemed like there was a slight difference. He nodded with a laugh when Ashton said that he really did forget a jacket. It was really just like Peter to walk out into snowy weather and forget to dress warmly. He knew that one day he would come to regret his forgetfulness about that stuff. Peter just never thought about his own well being. That was probably a bad thing.
When Ashton unzipped his sweater Peter was about to protest. He didn't want Ashton to give him his only sweater. Ashton needed to be warm too. Much to Peter's surprise... that wasn't what Ashton was suggesting. Peter watched as Ashton held his jacket open, saying that he would share. He licked his lips, unsure of this situation. It wasn't that Peter was nervous about being close to Ashton in the proximity. It was more of the fact that Peter didn't know the reason behind it. Ashton could have easily told him not to be lazy... to go up and get a damn jacket. Instead there stood Ashton with his sweater wide open... saying he would share with Peter. There had to be some way to make this situation not as... uncomfortable feeling.
Peter laughed, deciding the would take it as Ashton making a friendly gesture rather than a come on. He slowly walked up closer to Ashton. If you're sure. Peter said with a smile. I don't think I would mind sharing with you. Peter was exceptionally good at living in his own little world. In Peterland Ashton didn't have any ulterior motives, Ashton was perfectly sober, and Ashton just really wanted to be his friend. It was easier for Peter to live in that happier... enchanted world. It was much much easier for Peter to accept that than it was for him to accepted that Ashton could very well have ulterior motives, not be sober, and not really want to be his friend in the way he'd like to think. Peter just tried to focus on the more positive possibilities.
It still felt a little awkward just because Peter wasn't sure if he should make the first move there or if Ashton should. Peter figured that he would let Ashton. He was close enough that if Ashton really wanted to share... then Ashton could share if he wanted to, but he was also far enough away that if Ashton said he were kidding Peter could laugh it off.
tagged • ashton johnson! words • 498 lyrics • grand illusion by styx notes • :] credits • template by me
|
|
|
Post by ASHTON COLE JOHNSON-WALKER on Mar 5, 2010 15:59:22 GMT -5
Ashton wondered if peter would take him up on his offer. Ashton tilted his head to the side. Im not going to bite.. he told him. Promise... he smirked as he stepped closer closing the distance. We'll both be helping each other out. he added.because Im freezing too... Ashton put wrapped his sweater part around peter. Ashton was skinny and so was peter it wasnt hard to get his sweater stretched around the both of them and even zipped up enough to hold it together solidly. Hed gotten the sweater a little bigger then usual anyway. Perfect time to be wearing it he thought.
This okay peter? he asked. I dont have cooties... i dont smell... i dont think... and.. he sighed. i dont know but whatever it is... i think iltl be okay. See look im feeling warm already... what about you? Do you feel warm? he asked.
Ashtons headache was starting to ease, there was still a dull pain there, but nothing he couldnt handle, though his head did feel like it weighed a million pounds. So... he said. sorry bout those questions earlier... dont know what i was thinking.. he said. guess I just wanted to... i dont know... just was curious is all.. he said. no body really talks about their fantasies...you know.. unless they're loose. he could feel peters chest rising with each breath thats how close they were because of the position they were in.
Im surprised you came over here you know.. he said. you dont seem to care much for my company he told him. maybe its me, im not sure. You know.. he stopped. For as small as you are you have... a solid body.. he told him. Ashton pulled his arms through the sleeves of his sweater, his hands pressing against peters abs more towards his sides and then up his chest. Am I making you uncomfortable peter? he asked. you know... you said... that you werent too good with intimate moments.. he said. and that one of your fantasies was to have an intimate moment. he bit his lip. what if... he said. what if... i could help you out.. he said. im not the most intimate guy, but maybe i could like.. teach you or something.. and then when you find that special somebody.. he shrugged, then you wouldnt feel like you couldnt do it. like you felt with alex like you just werent good enough because yeah... so... i mean.. what do you think huh peter? he brought his hands up to peters shoulders, running his fingers along the collar of peters shirt.
Think thats a stupid idea huh? YOu dont know me.. you're unsure around me... he said. but i dont know.. just thought it would help you.. ya know... i was just thinking about it when you were talking to me... about your fantasy and stuff... he looked at him agian. how bad do you want to get out of this sweater right now? he smirked.
|
|
|
Post by PETER BERGAN WALKER on Mar 5, 2010 17:57:41 GMT -5
» SO IF YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS COMPLETE CONFUSIONbecause you never win the gameREMEMBER THAT IT'S A GRAND ILLUSION DEEP INSIDE WE'RE ALL THE SAME « Peter smiled when Ashton said that he wasn't going to bite. He tried not to think he was uncomfortable when Ashton wrapped the sweater around him and zipped it up a little in the back. Peter was so close to Ashton, almost chest to chest. He kind of liked how Ashton put it... helping each other out. It made him feel a little better about the situation. Peter did feel a little warmer inside Ashton's sweater. He was more surprised that both he and Ashton were able to fit in the sweater. Then again, Ashton was skin and bones and Peter wasn't entirely fat either. So really after thinking about it... it made sense that both of them fit into the sweater.
When Ashton asked if it was okay, Peter smiled. This is okay. He said with a light giggle. I do feel a lot warmer actually. Some people thought it was weird to hear a boy giggle, but Peter couldn't stop it. His giggle reflex was pretty natural to him. Peter hoped Ashton wouldn't find that little fact weird about him. He was already weird enough as it was. Peter licked his lips, allowing himself to feel more at ease with his position. He was slowly settling into the sweater in a way that was more comfortable.
Peter looked up when Ashton brought up the questions from earlier. He was about to tell Ashton not to worry about it, but he let Ashton finish what he was saying about it. Well, I don't mind answering question. Peter said with a smile. You can ask me anything you want, you know. Peter was absolutely serious. He wanted Ashton to feel like if there was anything that he wanted to know, then he could ask it without feeling bad about it or something. Peter really didn't want Ashton to think he was completely closed off about anything... even if it meant talking about fantasies. Sure Pete had been uncomfortable, but what was the use in hiding stuff? Peter felt like he could be open with Ashton about anything.
As Ashton started on the next part Peter frowned. He hadn't thought he had given off the feeling that he didn't want Ashton's company because he did want Ashton's company. Peter was getting ready to defend himself, tell Ashton that it was miss-communication, but Peter was stopped before he could start by Ashton telling him that for a little guy he had a solid body. He bit his lower lip as Ashton continued. Peter could feel Ashton's hands at his sides and then his chest. He didn't know what to do but stare wordlessly as Ashton continued on about how he could help him with his problems with intimacy.
Peter wondered what on earth he had gotten himself into... but at the same time... he wasn't sure, but he thought for a moment... that Ashton's hands felt really nice moving against him. Peter couldn't make sense of the jumbled mess that was in his head. When Ashton asked what he thought Ashton's hands were already at his shirt collar. Once again before Peter could say anything Ashton continued. Peter didn't know what to say or do. He felt trapped for a moment, though the feeling quickly passed when he felt like he could speak again. Peter tilted his head to the side, looking up at Ashton.
I... I mean... I don't really want...out Peter said finally. He wished he was a lot better at speaking when he was nervous about something. But I mean... you know... about the intimacy stuff... Peter wasn't even sure where to start. He didn't know how to put his thoughts into words and it was getting kind of annoying. I think... I mean, you know, I won't... be able to keep... that someone special... if they come along anytime...soon... you know... if I don't know how. Peter didn't know what he was doing, but Ashton... Peter felt like Ashton made a valid argument. He finally shrugged slightly, You... think you can help me?
The last thing Peter wanted was another Alex situation and when Ashton brought that up Peter knew he would more than likely go along with the idea. Maybe if he took some... intimacy lessons his boyfriends wouldn't feel the need to cheat on him with his twin brother.
tagged • ashton johnson! words • 751 lyrics • grand illusion by styx notes • :] credits • template by me
|
|
|
Post by ASHTON COLE JOHNSON-WALKER on Mar 5, 2010 18:42:02 GMT -5
Peter said it did feel okay, that he was feeling warmer. Good. Because he was too. Maybe a little too warm, but he could handle it. Maybe he could soak some of this warmth up so he could save it for later when he was cold again. He wondered if he could get a button grown onto him so he could just hit it and he could have heat emanate from. Or he could just be like an x-man and play with fire... he could be flame boy.
Ashton kind of snorted at his thoughts then stopped shaking his head. oh god, he was thinking like an idiot right now. WHy was his mind coming up with those kinds of things. that was completely unrealistic. Ashton mentally shook his head. Back to reality. Back to .. reality.
Again Ashton had to stop. That song popped into his head. Dear god he needed to focus. He looked back at peter. Peter was just saying how he didnt mind answering questions that he could ask him anything. Okay peter...if you say so. Does that mean you'll always answer me? he asked. or will you blow it off if you dont wanna answer it? he tilted his head brow quirked.
Ashton had to remember this. He could totally use that to his gain if it turned out to be that way. AShton loved questions, loved asking them anyway. He loved information and he just knew that some how he would need information from peter for something. He didnt know when or why but he knew that there would be a time where he would be asking peter things and he would need answers. Even if the questions were uncomfortable. Heh... How did he get so lucky... unless of course this was a lie. He stared at him a bit. Honestly? he studied him. He needed to make sure his pupils didnt get weird. HEd know he was lying then.
Ashton smirked when he said he didnt exactly want out. oh... okay.. he rested his head on his shoulder, he needed to just rest it for a bit. It was... too heavy. Right now. He should feel like his head was inflated... but maybe the beers... he stopped hm.. He blinked realizing peter was talking and he looked up at him from where his head was on his shoulder. His fingers still running lightly over peters skin at the collar of his shirt.
mmmhmm... he rubbed the back of his neck. Ashton nodded okay.. he said. Well... you know... I think i can help. Like I said. I can work with it.. i mean.. we can do stuff or ... well i can explain somethings... he told him. but you have to have an open ... um.. mind about it. And we have to communicate... he added. He knew that communication was one of those words people liked to hear. It usually made them more likely to answer how you wanted to.. unless of course you used ti wrong. god did he use it wrong? He lifted his head quickly looking intently at peter to see if he was biting or not.
|
|
|
Post by PETER BERGAN WALKER on Mar 5, 2010 21:41:48 GMT -5
» SO IF YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS COMPLETE CONFUSIONbecause you never win the gameREMEMBER THAT IT'S A GRAND ILLUSION DEEP INSIDE WE'RE ALL THE SAME Actually, Peter really would answer any question that Ashton had for him to the best of his abilities. He wanted Ashton to be able to trust that he was telling the truth about things as well. So when Ashton asked if he could ask any question and he would tell the answer or if he would blow it off if he didn't want to answer it Peter nodded without even thinking about it first. Of course Peter said confidently. I promise to always try and answer any question you ask to me. I can't promise that I won't be uncomfortable depending on the questions... but I will grace you with an answer.
Peter let out a small laugh when Ashton questioned his honesty. Yeah, honestly. He wouldn't lie about something like that. The only reason at all that Peter would lie would be to protect someone or make things seem... not as bad as they are. He had done that kind of lying before and even that kind of lying makes him feel bad. Peter bit his lower lip as Ashton rested his head on his shoulder. He wasn't used to being in this position with anyone but Alex... and Alex was old news. Peter didn't really know what to do with his hands. At the moment his hands were at his sides. Ashton's, though, were up at his shirt collar. His skin tingled everywhere that Ashton touched. That couldn't be normal.
Closing his eyes for a moment, Peter just... enjoyed the feeling. It was kind of weird. No one had bothered to do that to him in a while and it felt different. The way Ashton touched him was a lot different than how Alex used to touch him... it was much gentler. Peter opened his eyes when Ashton began to talk about how he could work with it. Peter could still feel the tingle underneath his skin. Open mind... communicate... He mused quietly. I can... I can do that. He said finally as he leaned his head forward, resting it on Ashton's shoulder. Peter closed his eyes, feeling more relaxed than he had in quite a while.
Peter had a feeling he would be getting himself into trouble, but at the moment he was having a lot of trouble thinking past the relaxation to see any bad in it. He needed to fix his intimacy problems before a good opportunity slipped away. Peter felt like this was a good idea and thought most people would frown on it... he just felt like maybe it would be a good idea. Maybe that was a result of Peterland or maybe it wasn't... Peter didn't have the mind to think too much about it at the moment.
tagged • ashton johnson! words • 467 lyrics • grand illusion by styx notes • :] credits • template by me
|
|
|
Post by ASHTON COLE JOHNSON-WALKER on Mar 10, 2010 22:41:53 GMT -5
Ashton grinned like he had just figured something out and now had something up his sleeve. He liked peters answer. mm... be careful peter. You entrust that upon someone ... they could totally put that to their advantage... he said. And I just might. do you really want to keep it that way because you have an opening right now to be able and retract that statement. I wont call you on it or anything. he said with an absolute nod. Im debating if I should trust you though. Lots of people say lots of things but half of them arent right or what not... he told him poking him in the chest.
Ashton gave him a skeptical look but from what he could tell peter was either telling the truth or an incredibly good liar. He wasnt so sure. If he took peter at face value then he could honestly say that he believed peter, but so many people were something they werent. WHat if peter wasnt how he put himself out there as. No... no that wouldnt do. Ashton licked his lips a bit and then smirked again. He brought a hand up running it through peters hair. huh... he nodded. okay... he dropped his hand again, alirght then...
When peter said he could do that, communicate and keep an open mind ashton snorted a bit. He felt the weight of peters head on his shoulder. if he were sober hed be pushing him away or something, in fact he wouldnt even be this close to him. Ashton valued his space and this was... seriously encroaching on his bubble. Ashton dragged his hands down peters chest till they were resting on his hips. HIs fingers played with the ends of his shirt, brushing against the bit of skin that was underneath. good good... now that we have that understanding his voice was lower, seductive.. almost predatory well as much as it could be with it being monotone as well.
Ashton was well aware he was not good at this sort of stuff, but when he was in this frame of mind he didnt feel as though he sounded like he did. Or acted like he did. Instead in his mind his voice did do what he wanted it to, his actions did the things his mind wanted to do without being held back. He gripped peters hips and pressed their hips together kind of as he swayed him back and forth. He used slight pressure with his fingers to get him to back up at the same time wanting him to be against the tree, hoping peter didnt resist.
|
|
|
Post by PETER BERGAN WALKER on Mar 13, 2010 14:04:44 GMT -5
» SO IF YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS COMPLETE CONFUSIONbecause you never win the gameREMEMBER THAT IT'S A GRAND ILLUSION DEEP INSIDE WE'RE ALL THE SAME Peter tilted his head as Ashton started to talk about what he had said. He couldn't understand why Ashton was making it sound like it was a bad thing. How was it a bad thing? Peter just figured that he needed to be honest with his roommate about things. He wanted to know more about his roommate and if Ashton lied to him Peter knew that he would be upset about it. That wasn't something that he would do to Ashton. I don't wish to retract that statement. Peter said finally. I think we should be honest with each other. That was Peter's honest opinion. He didn't want Ashton to believe that he was living with a liar.
It was fairly obvious that Ashton was questioning a lot of things that he said. Peter could just feel it. He was confused, though, when Ashton ran his hand through his hair. No one had done that in a while... or at least after Alex. Peter felt his body naturally tense as he felt Ashton's hands travel down his chest and rest at his hips. It was unfair how Ashton was able to make his skin tingle and his stomach twist in knots. Peter knew he probably wouldn't be able to do that to Ashton. This situation wasn't at all balanced. Peter kept his eyes shut, enjoying how Ashton's fingers would occasionally graze his skin.
When Peter felt Ashton pushing their hips together he raised his head. Peter didn't know what to do or say about that. He felt a slight pressure on his hips from Ashton's fingertips, which told him to move back. Peter back up until his back had hit a tree. It hurt a little because Peter hadn't realized there was a tree behind him. He bit his lower lip nervously as he looked up, his brown eyes reflecting a lot of the confusion he felt. Peter wasn't sure that he could breathe even though he was breathing. He finally let go of his lip. Ashton... Peter said, his voice quiet, almost a whisper. I don't... know what to do..
In times like these Peter really wished that he wasn't really as clueless. Peter wanted to know what to do and how to react, but he felt like his mind and everything in it was a huge blur. The stuff in his mind, whatever it was, was making him second guess everything that came to his mind. He didn't know what to do and he didn't know how to make Ashton feel all the things he was feeling and that was the part that really just sucked more than anything else.
tagged • ashton johnson! words • 459 lyrics • grand illusion by styx notes • :] credits • template by me
|
|
|
Post by ASHTON COLE JOHNSON-WALKER on Mar 13, 2010 15:49:54 GMT -5
Ashton smirked a bit. You think its best we are honest with each other? he asked. You make us sound as though we're a couple. he grunted at that. I think that if I want to lie to you peter.... I can. he gave a small shrug. what would you know anyway. he said. I could tell you right now that I would never lie to you, and you would believe me, but would it really be true? You'd believe a lie. You're too trusting peter. You should really be more cautious. You can get in trouble if you just go through life taking people at their word. he nodded.
Ashton didnt really get how peter could be so trusting, then again ashton didnt trust at all. He was sure peter could call him on that, but hey at least he wasnt getting pushed around because he believed in people and what they said. He didnt let himself get put into situations and what not. He mentally shook his head. He really couldnt focus on all of this. He didnt want to anyway. He wouldnt if he were sober so why now? Why does every little thing have to catch his attention when he got this way to get his mind to figure thingso ut or... wait.. was that why? No.. no.. actually ashton didnt really know... what he was thinking about.
Ashton was glad when he moved back against the tree. Ashton leaned against him even more so with his body. Ashtons eyes dropped down to peters lips as he noticed that he was biting it. he tilted his head some his brows raising as he watched him let go of it. A glisten of saliva on it and he licked his own lips. hm.....? he didnt take his eyes from his lips as he heard his name. When peter said that he didnt know what to do, ashton smirked and looked up at him. well.... he said, flattening his palms out. He brought his hands around just a little bit putting them up his shirt enough that his shirt wouldnt get int he way but not so much that he was completely up his shirt. He just wanted his skin beneath his hands. He then started to roll his palms in a circular motion over his hips but kind of more towards the front. ((if that makes sense))
he leaned in a little bit so he was barely inches from his mouth. What do you want to do peter? he asked, What is on your mind right now. do you ... just want to do something right now? Do you feel like theres anything you want to do? he leaned back again his eyes slightly darker then a few moments ago as he waited to see what his response was.
|
|
|
Post by PETER BERGAN WALKER on Mar 13, 2010 22:49:50 GMT -5
» SO IF YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS COMPLETE CONFUSIONbecause you never win the gameREMEMBER THAT IT'S A GRAND ILLUSION DEEP INSIDE WE'RE ALL THE SAME Peter hadn't meant for it to sound as if he referring to them as a couple. He knew that they weren't a couple and they were nowhere near couple status. Obviously Ashton hadn't taken great offense to it considering he was still smirking a little. What reason would you have to lie to me? Peter asked softly. He didn't know why Ashton would need to be dishonest with him. Peter did trust people too much though. He relied on blind faith and that was a dangerous thing sometimes. Peter just didn't want to not trust someone that was actually being honest with him. He didn't know if Ashton would understand that or not.
When Ashton leaned against him Peter's mind rushed a thousand miles per hour. Peter liked to think that he wasn't the kind of guy that just jumped into something head first. That was... something his brother would do... not him. He just couldn't figure anything out. His thoughts wouldn't slow down so that he could make sense of them. Peter could feel Ashton's hands moving against his skin and this time Peter's breath did catch. It felt amazing... like his skin was on fire. What made that happen? Peter couldn't understand what was happening to his body. The warm feeling spread throughout his body. He could feel it in his fingertips and he could feel it rushing to his head as if he were hanging upside down or something.
Suddenly Ashton was leaning in. For a moment Peter thought that Ashton was about to kiss him. His heart pounded, but his head went blank. As Ashton spoke Peter imagined in his mind just leaning forward and pressing his lips to Ashton's. Surely that was what Ashton was looking for. Peter just couldn't be sure. He stared for a moment, his lips parted as Ashton leaned away again, asking if there were anything he wanted to do. He decided the best thing to do would be to repeat some of Ashton's actions. He wanted to be able to give Ashton that same burning sensation that he felt. Peter started his hands at Ashton's hips, slowly running his fingertips up Ashton's sides before his hands reached Ashton's shoulders.
Peter really wasn't sure how to make it all connect. He ran one hand through Ashton's hair. Peter liked how Ashton's hair felt as it ran through his fingers. His hand rested at the back of Ashton's neck. It wasn't hard for Peter to make his next move because the jacket was still zipped around the two of them. Peter leaned forward pressing his lips to Ashton's. He really wasn't sure about what he was doing. This was such a rush for Peter. Peter pulled away from his kiss. For a moment he stayed there, his lips barely hovering over Ashton's before he leaned back. He let his hands drop back down to Ashton's waist. peter hoped that he hadn't just really screwed up.
tagged • ashton johnson! words • 522 lyrics • grand illusion by styx notes • :] credits • template by me
|
|
|
Post by ASHTON COLE JOHNSON-WALKER on Mar 14, 2010 0:14:42 GMT -5
Ashton shrugged when he asked what reason he had to lie to him. what reason does anyone have to lie to anyone for? he asked. It just happens. Or... they just dont wnat to tell the truth. i could be a pathological liar for all you know. Hell I could believe all my lies... which I mean if I believed them technically they wouldnt be lies to me, just lies in general but you couldnt blame me for lying to you if I thought they were real... he nodded and then shrugged again before smirking. He kind of lost himself, but that was okay he was pretty sure he made sense he just kind of forgot half of what he said.
Peters body was warm against his palms. He was cold and hadnt even thought about how that might have felt against his skin, though now his hands were warm so it worked. Ashton swivled his hips just slightly and then stopped. Again he smirked. A devious smirk almost. he waited for his reply. He wanted to know what peter would do, if he had pushed him to do anything or if he really did suck at this and it was not affecting him at all.
Then he felt his hands on him. Peters hands moved up to his shoulders. Then he felt it running through his hair. Normally hed tell him to back the fuck off, but... it was actually... kind of nice. he 'hm'd' a bit and leaned his head a bit into his hand but it was gone all too soon, his hand resting at the back of his neck. ashton brought his eyes back to peters just as he was leaning in. Ashton didnt pull away, he had wanted peter to react and well he was reacting.
THe kiss didnt last very long and when he pulled away ashton wondered if maybe he was second guessing and was going to end it. Ashton wasnt betting on peter taking it too far at all, but he just wanted to see how far he would go. Peter just seemed so reserved to him he just couldnt help but to want to poke at that for him to break out of that. But.. peter didnt pull away that much and he didnt stop for too long before he was back on ashtons lips again. Peters lips felt good, nice an plush and... ashton leaned into it, pressing him to the tree again.
He wondered how he would take to stepping it up a bit. Ashton kept one hand at his hip, closing his fingers over it as he slid the other hand aroundt he back starting at the bottom of his dip, running a finger up it and flattening his palm as he moved to the middle of peters back and up between his shoulder blades. He slipped his tongue out testing as he ran it over the seam of peters lips.
|
|
|
Post by PETER BERGAN WALKER on Mar 14, 2010 9:53:12 GMT -5
» SO IF YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS COMPLETE CONFUSIONbecause you never win the gameREMEMBER THAT IT'S A GRAND ILLUSION DEEP INSIDE WE'RE ALL THE SAME In the end it didn't really matter about what Ashton said about lying. Peter didn't think that was something he could change. He trusted that people would tell him the truth and if someone were a pathological liar he would hope they'd at least tell him what was truth to them. Maybe Peter was a bit of a dreamer, but he thought it worked. Peter shook his head, Maybe you're right, but suppose you're wrong? Peter mused. I think I'll take my chances. With Peter's luck everyone he ever knew would be lying to him, but he could only hope for the best really.
Peter had at least made out with someone before. It was a bit different though because Ashton and Alex were not similar at all as far as how they did things. He was so nervous that he would do something wrong and Ashton would change his mind altogether about the whole intimacy thing. Peter hoped that wouldn't happen. He really did need to learn more about intimacy. It was tiring... never knowing how to satisfy the people he wanted to satisfy. Was it wrong for him to make this arrangement? To be doing this with Ashton of all people? Peter really hoped this arrangement wouldn't make their being roommates too awkward. He figured if that began to happen he'd just call it quits.
The kiss was different for Peter. It wasn't just a kiss because so many other factors came into play. The way he could feel Ashton's body pressed against his, the way Ashton's lips felt so smooth against his, the way Ashton's fingertips played at his hips... there were so many things going on at once. Peter's mind was having a hard time keeping up. He had to tell himself that he had done stuff like this before and he needed to just remember how he had reacted then. Upon the second kiss Ashton had leaned more into the kiss. Peter had to let the kiss deepen as he was pushed more against the tree behind him. Peter couldn't be too sure... but kissing Alex had never felt like this.
Peter could feel Ashton's hands moving over his back. He felt like he was getting so lost in this kiss... more lost than he had ever been in a kiss before. When Peter felt Ashton's tongue move across his lips he knew what Ashton was going for, but Peter just wasn't sure. He hadn't french kissed as often and really he was lucky he was as good as he was at just regular kissing. Peter decided that he would try it, afraid that Ashton might completely call him out if he didn't. This was also something he needed to learn, right? It was just another part of intimacy.
After Peter parted his lips for Ashton he felt the kiss get a little deeper. He didn't know how far Ashton wanted to go, but Peter knew where he would draw the line. Peter thought french kissing would be okay, but he wouldn't go as far as to start stripping outside or doing anything sexual.
tagged • ashton johnson! words • 542 lyrics • grand illusion by styx notes • :] credits • template by me
|
|
|
Post by ASHTON COLE JOHNSON-WALKER on Mar 14, 2010 17:43:12 GMT -5
Ashton gave a small shrug. To each his own I guess. Dont say I didnt suggest... you know he said. you should at least consider it before you go about accepting everyone as is. he smirked and then poked his chest. after all has your life really been filled with people that youve been able to trust not to lie to you day in and day out? he asked. hmm? I mean... even your boyfriend right? he shrugged. but whatever... what do I know. I lived my life.. not yours.. he said dropping his hand back to his waist.
In Ashtons opinion Peter was doing fine. hesitant, but fine. He definitely didnt scream he did this for a living, but for the most part he was okay. It was almost like ... sweet. If he really had to put a name on it. He took things a way that someone did that wasnt used to this kind of stuff and Ashton knew peter wasnt well versed in this kind of stuff. If Ashton were someone else then he would have tried to just keep peter for himself. Well really that... alex whoever was an idiot for doing that. He could have had peter be whatever he wanted in this department if he had given the chance, but the idiot cheated on him. Oh well, now Ashton was going to take advantage of Alex's idiocy and he was going to ready peter for whatever he decided to do in his lifetime. Ashton may not feel the need to be with anyone who gave him attention 24/7 but he was a male and right now this was feeling damn good.
Ashton honestly didnt think this would get awkward. For one the people woudl have to care enough to make it awkward and he didnt know about peter, but they were in a position to care enough for that. Also... he wasnt sure if he was going to remember all of it. Maybe a bit, he wasnt too far gone, but not a whole lot. He was sure it would be good. THen again, regardless of what he said, Ashton was a bit awkward in general so .. it probably didnt matter.
Ashton wasnt sure peter was actually going to open up to him. He pressed just a bit more against him and then peters mouth was finally opening. Good. Ashton brought his hands back down to peters hips holding them still as he moved his fingers down a bit more, his thumb rolling circles he had moved down over them. He deepened it just a bit more, his tongue slipping into peters mouth, flicking over his tongue trying to engage it. Ashton didnt plan on going much further then this tonight. His head was starting to pound and he was getting tired since he knew it was wearing off. But hed keep this up just a little bit longer or if peter cut it off sooner then that.
|
|
|
Post by PETER BERGAN WALKER on Mar 17, 2010 8:46:28 GMT -5
» SO IF YOU THINK YOUR LIFE IS COMPLETE CONFUSIONbecause you never win the gameREMEMBER THAT IT'S A GRAND ILLUSION DEEP INSIDE WE'RE ALL THE SAME Again Ashton poked Peter’s chest. It wouldn’t be so bad if he just knew how to react to it. The problem was that he didn’t. Peter didn’t know how to react to anything Ashton did. Ashton was a huge mystery to Peter. One day Ashton acted like he didn’t want anything to do with Peter and the next they’re sharing a jacket. The corner of Peter’s lips turned into a smile as Ashton asked about the people that Peter could trust in his life.
Ashton had a point, of course. Peter’s life hadn’t been filled with people that he thought he could trust. Over the years trust had turned into a delicate issue for both Peter and Carson. What drove Peter to trust people was that he didn’t want to take the road that Carson took. He didn’t want to end up smoking more than four packs a day sometimes, drinking himself into stupors, or being suspicious of everyone. That wasn’t something Peter wanted. He wasn’t going to explain that to Ashton, but he knew the answer himself. I understand what you’re saying. Peter said, deciding that was the safest answer to go with.
All of this physical attention would probably end up going to Peter’s head. Memories slammed into his mind with each touch. It almost gave him a headache to think of them. Peter didn’t want to think about Alex while Ashton was touching him this way. It didn’t feel right to him. Still, thoughts of Alex cropped up into his head. Alex was the only person other than Ashton to treat him this way. Peter knew that in order to know what to do with Ashton he would have to think back to the times with Alex. He could remember when Alex would kiss him, then pull away and say that Peter wasn’t trying hard enough.
Peter had thought he was trying his best. There was once when Alex had taken Peter as far as at least removing shirts. Alex had started working on Peter’s pants button, but Peter had stopped him... saying that he wasn’t ready to go below the waist. Of course, Alex blew up, yelling that Peter didn’t love him enough to have sex with him. Even though Peter had tried to explain that wasn’t the case Alex still went on about it, reminding Peter every now and then. So really it should have been no surprise that Alex resorted to the twin that would give him sex.
Peter was still trying to mentally process what he was doing and what was being done to him. Ashton had a different feeling than Alex had. Kissing Alex had been more of a forced thing. This kiss with Ashton felt more natural... like it was supposed to happen. French kissing was still really new to Peter. He was afraid to open up to Ashton at first, but he gradually found himself wanting to do it. Something was happening in Peter’s body and he didn’t know what was causing it.
He knew that his hands needed to be on Ashton and his tongue naturally worked against Ashton’s and it was like everything was falling into place. Peter felt his hand move up Ashton’s chest then move through his hair. For some reason Peter really like Ashton’s hair. It felt nice as it threaded over his fingers. He deepened the kiss a little more, if that were even possible, and hoped that Ashton didn’t think he wasn’t trying hard enough. Ashton didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would do that, but Peter was still afraid.
The image of Ashton acting like Alex was the scariest thought to Peter. Peter could imagine Ashton pushing him away, though that would be difficult with the jacket, saying that he wasn’t good enough. He already knew that he wasn’t good enough. Why else would Peter need the learning experience? Peter didn’t want that. He really wanted Ashton to like kissing him and he ALMOST wanted Ashton to want to kiss him more often. Peter liked this feeling. It was new to him and a little foreign, but it was something that he felt he could get used to.
tagged • ashton johnson! words • 698 lyrics • grand illusion by styx notes • :] credits • template by me
|
|