NEVER HAVE I EVER !

[RAEMON]

WELCOME TO HOOD RIVER, OREGON. THE SMALL TOWN IS PICTURESQUE, WITH
THE GORGEOUS MOUNT HOOD JUST A SHORT DRIVE AWAY. AND OF COURSE, THE
CENTER OF TOWN IS HOOD RIVER VALLEY HIGH, HOME OF THE BULLDOGS AND
STATE RUNNERS UP IN BASEBALL. HOOD RIVER VALLEY HIGH IS JUST LIKE ANY
OTHER SCHOOL. YOU'VE GOT YOUR PREPS, YOUR JOCKS, NERDY ASIANS, COOL
ASIANS, UNFRIENDLY BLACK HOTTIES, GIRLS WHO EAT THEIR FEELINGS, GIRLS
WHO DON'T EAT ANYTHING AT ALL, BURNOUTS, SEXUALLY ACTIVE BAND GEEKS,
AND THE GREATEST PEOPLE YOU WILL EVER MEET. WITH SO MANY HORMONAL
TEENAGERS STUCK IN A SMALL TOWN IN MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, SHIT WILL SURELY
HIT THE FAN. CHEATING, BACKSTABBING, AND PARTIES THAT ARE BUSTED BY THE
COPS ARE NOTHING NEW. SO NEXT TIME YOU'RE AT A PARTY, CAN YOU WIN AT
NEVER HAVE I EVER??

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